50 ways to piss people off....
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
3. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
4. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
5. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
6. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
8. Declare your flat an independent nation, and sue your neighbours upstairs for "violating your airspace".
9. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
10. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with “Dettol”.
11. Practice making fax and modem noises.
12. Highlight irrelevant information in memos and "cc:" them to your boss.
13. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
14. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
15. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbours you are a "spider person."
16. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
17. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.
18. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
19. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
20. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in an Alan Hansen voice.
21. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the babes appear to be green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
22. Ask call centre operators for dates.
23. Order a side of pork scratchings with your filet mignon.
24. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
25. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat the After Eight mints by the cash register.
26. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
27. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
28. only type in lowercase.
29. dont use any punctuation either
30. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
31. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
32. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
33. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
34. At the laundrette, use one dryer for each of your socks.
35. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
36. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
37. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
38. Ask people what gender they are.
39. Lick the filling out of all the Jaffa Cakes, and put the spongy parts back.
40. Cultivate a Swedish accent. If Swedish, pretend to be French.
41. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
42. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
43. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
44. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
45. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
46. Wear a LOT of cologne.
47. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
48. Sing along at the opera.
49. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
50. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
52. Write out a 50 point list thats not remotely funny
I'm pissed off at life, the universe and everything. It's apt in that I'm 42 this year, so I have both the answer and the question !
Life, and by extension work, sucks the sweat off a deads man balls 'cos it's so crappy. 14 hour days are no fun you know.
Universe 'cos I think everyone is out to get me and nobody seems to love me. Loneliness is a desease for which I have no cure.
Everything 'cos it covers all the other stuff, both large and small, that pisses me off each and every day.
I will however keep pursuing the dream of finding something positive in each and every day to help me through the years...
(03-07-2011 10:24 )dirk362 Wrote: [ -> ]I'm pissed off at life, the universe and everything. It's apt in that I'm 42 this year, so I have both the answer and the question !
Life, and by extension work, sucks the sweat off a deads man balls 'cos it's so crappy. 14 hour days are no fun you know.
Universe 'cos I think everyone is out to get me and nobody seems to love me. Loneliness is a desease for which I have no cure.
Everything 'cos it covers all the other stuff, both large and small, that pisses me off each and every day.
I will however keep pursuing the dream of finding something positive in each and every day to help me through the years...
Totally agree Dirk, wait until you are 52 !!!! As Woody Allen said - "life's a b*tch and then you die!!"
BHJ
i'm pissed off at r&b and rap "music" being called good
i'm also pissed off at people who say wrestling is fake, it's not fake, i'll admit it is scripted, but no way is it fake
erm... yeah, i think that's it, if there's anymore then i'll come back... i actually feel a bit better now lol
Saturday afternoon too, how sad is that
