I sorta feel you carl i stuggle in social situations i can never make eye contact with people and i never know never know what to say and i just make it awkward then i see the confused look on their face which then makes me start thinking im being rude then my face turns red and i just leave knowing ive made a asshole out of myself and feel depressed about it all night
mental issue are a real bastard so i feel ya carl
(11-01-2019 00:30 )goatman222 Wrote: [ -> ]I sorta feel you carl i stuggle in social situations i can never make eye contact with people and i never know never know what to say and i just make it awkward then i see the confused look on their face which then makes me start thinking im being rude then my face turns red and i just leave knowing ive made a asshole out of myself and feel depressed about it all night mental issue are a real bastard so i feel ya carl
Right now Goatman I am contemplating leaving this forum and getting the hell off this world.
I have had enough..................
I feel for both of you and anyone else who suffers from this. A illness that must be so difficult to comprehend living with privately and publicity and yet there are times I feel little is done research wise medically to make the disease more understandable who don't suffer and educate them better when confronting someone who suffers.
Companies must also do more to make workplaces a little less daunting and maybe even a little warm to make someone living with it a person that can be a very vital piece of jigsaw puzzle.
(11-01-2019 01:43 )babelover48 Wrote: [ -> ]I feel for both of you and anyone else who suffers from this. A illness that must be so difficult to comprehend living with privately and publicity and yet there are times I feel little is done research wise medically to make the disease more understandable who don't suffer and educate them better when confronting someone who suffers.
Companies must also do more to make workplaces a little less daunting and maybe even a little warm to make someone living with it a person that can be a very vital piece of jigsaw puzzle.
I’m ok for now...Goatman did his bit to talk me round, but had what felt like an eternity deciding whether to get in the car and drive into a wall or not.
The right words put in my head by that guy have helped put me on a bit more positive footing..
Cheers.
Come on mate, don't leave if you need friends you've got them in spades here. We all care about you and a you know what they say " a problem shared is a problem halved " so anytime you need one we're here for you and who else would contribute so much to my threads than you-and I know you are looking forward to my next threads and you will definitely want to contribute those - if not I'll hunt you down and make you listen to Des O'Connor-Live at the Golders Green Crematorium!
Oh Carl...
You get on OK with us, that's got to be a start.
It might not seem like much, but, er… well... it's something.
Honey wouldn't want you to do something rash either.
I totally agree with everyone here, Carl your one of the good guys here and I love reading the contributions you make, great sense of humour on those joke and funny pics threads, I have moments of despair when things start to spiral out of control through stress and worrying about things and it makes me want to shut off from everyone but I try to find something to up lift myself, which at times seems very difficult but reading some of the posts from the fine people on this forum, especially from good folk like yourself in the non-babeshow part of the forum does put my feet back on the ground. Not sure if any of this helps but I just wanted to say that your very much appreciated here mate.
Thanks a lot guys....those who’ve spoken here and those of you who’ve spared a moment in your own lives to reach out and privately message me.
That means a hell of a lot....
I’m on more of an even keel right now, so I’ll not be doing anything drastic, so you guys can relax. Last night was the closest I’ve ever come to deciding ‘that’s it, I’m done with this...stop the world, I’m getting off’
I’ve had a lot of things happen in my life over the past 40 years which in many ways led up to last night...some of them you collectively know about, but there are things which only one or two of you know about...
What I about to write next is for me going to be difficult, essentially retracing the steps of a journey which has been a very tough one in places...
A childhood which was difficult from an inability to make friends easily, already finding just opening myself up to my peers a struggle, already finding mere small talk an impossibility, but of course in those days..the 70s Asperger Syndrome was pretty much unheard of. Sufferers didn’t get the support and help then that is available to children who have the condition today.
In contrast to my social life difficulties, academically I was able to advance further than the majority of my classmates, considered by my teachers as something of a ‘little professor’..very knowledgeable in areas of study where I took a keen interest.
My home life was hell on Earth, resented by my siblings..for all their normality..they hated me for the fact that I was and am, more intelligent than them, having achieved more..gaining 9 O Levels and going on to achieve 3 A Levels says something...
Then there was my parents..one of those marriages which should have ended long before it did...constantly stormy...then you get told one night that you were an accident...how the hell do you deal with that kind of information at the age of 11?
Just two years after this my father had sunk into the condition which is now known as bipolar but was then known as manic depression and was on a variety of antidepressants. Things just gradually deteriorated over a period of over a year, during which time I was witness to seeing my father taken away to a mental institution some twenty miles away and kept there for a good couple of months..
After this he returned home, not long after this....in September 1979 he came into my bedroom and abruptly announced that..and the words I will remember until the day I die...’I’m more afraid of going on living like this than dying’ How does a 13 year old begin to process that?
The following night I found him in the bathroom..dead at the age of 34...
All this stuff certainly can’t have helped can it....?
Years later...I actually got into a relationship with a woman, got married..had two children...of whom I no longer have any knowledge of...she took them away from me as I was to use her description ‘neurotic’ and ‘sociopathic’..again Asperger Syndrome was not a commonly known condition at this time.
Indeed it was only last year that I was finally diagnosed with it, which in itself has caused so much pain...regrets...so much more in itself...wishing that I could have told the world years ago about this condition which was having such an impact on my life...that it could have led to things being so different..instead of where I am now.
There is so much more to this story but I think what I have said for now will suffice for the present. You all know about the way my life is now with its..predilections - (thank you for that term Kelly) this I have accepted - (for which in large part I thank rpj, and a couple of others who’s names are for the moment lost to me - I am sorry about that but you know who you are) - but even so, there can be days when things go wrong, when I get misjudged...again...considered to be something I am not...again...through sheer ignorance..or worse..I just despair occasionally.
Last night came about through a chain of events which all closed in on me at once..a succession of things going wrong which pushed me to the brink...
I think I’ll be ok now..but again...I can’t thank you enough for listening....
It means so much....
Carl I'm sure I won't be alone in saying that I'm sat here with a tear in my eye. I'm so bloody proud of you that you have the courage to speak up like you do. We don't need less of guys like you - we need more to act as role models.
There are times that social media/forums can be a hateful place with keyboard warriors ranting and raving but then just sometimes a ray of sunshine breaks through that shows what a place for good it can be. Thanks to you & everyone who has replied to you I've seen my ray of sunshine for today.
Best wishes
