My car broke down this morning, so I looked under the bonnet and saw a bat sitting on the engine. Amazingly he said, “Hello, Sir. You are a handsome fellow and very nicely dressed, too."
I realised the problem straight away.
Bat flattery!
I'll admit it, I have a tremendous sex drive.
My girlfriend lives forty miles away.
What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?
A dictator!
My neighbour has been mad at his wife for sunbathing nude.
Personally am on the fence.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
I'm doing well in the final of the Sexual Innuendo Championships...
I just need to ram home my stiff advantage, then I should come first..!
What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
I told my wife she needs to start embracing her mistakes.
So she hugged me.
Q. What's black and white and dead all over?
A. A zombie in a tuxedo.