"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.
He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.
' 'Is it common?' I asked.
'It's not unusual' he replied.
I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah.
I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one."
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We'll see about that.
My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating?”
So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house.
My friend took me to the playboy mansion but I couldn't escape
It was full of booby traps
Our boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger…
And then it hit me.
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.
I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.
So what if I don’t know what “Armageddon” means?
It’s not the end of the world.
Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.
Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.