Favourite TV & Film Quotes & Dialogue

Die Another Day (2002)

Mr. Kil: I'm Mr. Kil.
James Bond: Now there's a name to die for.

James Bond: You know, I've missed your sparkling personality.
Zao: [punching Bond in the stomach] How's that for a punch line?

Patient: What the hell do you want? I don't need a goddamn wheelchair.
James Bond: No?
[punches him]
James Bond: You do now.

Vlad: [referring to Bond] Hey Boss, he beats your time.
[Upon hearing this, Graves, stops using his Icarus weapon device and sneers angrily at Vlad who, after a beat walks, away from him. Graves then goes back to using Icarus weapon device]

"And now I'm here to tell you that I have killed for my country, or whatever, and I don't feel good about it cause there's not enough reason man. to feel a person die in your hands or to see your best buddy get blown away."

"I'm here to tell you it's a lousy thing man. I don't see any reason for it. And there's a lot of shit that I did over there that I find fucking hard to live with."

And I don't want people like you man, coming back and having to face the rest of your lives with that kind of shit." It's as simple as that. I don't feel sorry for myself. I'm a lot fucking smarter now than when I went. And I'm just telling you there's a choices to be made here."

Jon Voight deglamourizing the Vietnam War. for American high-school students in the last lines of Hal Ashby's Coming Home

The Simpsons, Season 5, Episode 18, Burn's Heir

Bart: (reading Homer's written cue cards) Hello, Mr... Kurns. I bad want... money now. Me sick.
Homer: Oooh, he card-reads good.
Bart: So pick please me, Mr. Burns.
Homer: It's Kurns, stupid!
Marge: No, it's not.
Homer: (to Bart) Disregard.

Father Ted - Series 3: The Mainland

(Father Jack is having his eyes tested)

Optician: Well I'm confused. His eyesight seems to be perfect. He read all the way down to the last line of the chart, and even I can't see that one.

(The chart is revealed to repeat the word "Drink" over and over)

Ted: I see. Thing is Jack has a great fondness for that particular word.

Optician: Well it's the first time I've used that particular chart actually. I got it free with a promotional crate of Carlsberg.

Ted: Okay we'll come back and pick Jack up later. (They leave)

Optician: And now for a chart made by Slovakia's premier lens manufacturer, Feck Arse Industries.

(She replaces the chart with a new chart which repeats the words "Feck, Arse" over and over)

The Fast Show - Ron Manager

Football Commentator: Well Ron Manager, once again the pace and the tempo of the first half totally dictated by the boy wonder Ryan Giggs.

Ron Manager: Cor, Ryan Giggs, you know? Giggsy, isn't it? Mmm? Giggsy-Wiggsy? Mmm? Oh! Ryan-y Giggsy-Wiggsy. Isn't it? You know, marvellous.

Tommy: He is the new George Best.

Ron Manager: Is George Best the old Ryan Giggs? But Giggsy Wiggsy precocious talent isn't he? Mmm? Ooh got it all you know? Speed, acceleration, sweet left foot, all the tricks- the dummy,the drop of the shoulder, the shimmy, nutmeg, jiggery-pokery, hocus pocus, Abracadabra, I wanna reach out and grab ya. Steve Miller Band?, Spin Doctors? Ooh very similar.

kick ass

hit-girl "okay you *** lets see what you do now"

Police Academy 6: City Under Siege (1989)

Captain Harris:[voice from a tape recorder, while dangling off a gantry] Oh, god please don't let me die! [breaths heavily] I'm so young, please god. I help the homeless! I'll feed the poor. Ohhhh.... I feed the poor, oh god, I mean it, I really, really mean it.
Commissioner Henry J. Hurst: Thank you for your contribution, Captain Harris.

From The Big Bang Theory - http://the-big-bang-theory.com/

Sheldon

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.
------
Sheldon: I'm not insane, my mother had me tested!
------
Leonard: For God's sake, Sheldon, do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign every time I open my mouth?
Sheldon (intrigued): You have a sarcasm sign?
------
Penny: So what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be, my C-men.
------
Sheldon: Ah, gravity - thou art a heartless bitch.


Howard

Wolowitz (watching America's Next Top Model): Oh, look! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No, wait! That's the future Mrs. Wolowitz. With her head in the lap of... what a coincidence... is the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
Leonard: Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother. The current Mrs. Wolowitz.
------
Wolowitz: If it's "creepy" to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so I can drop in on them unexpected, then fine, I'm "creepy".
------

Skyfall (2012)

[Bond enters the interrogation room to take his psychological test]
Doctor Hall: I'd like to start with some simple word associations. Just tell me the first work that pops into your head. For example, I say, "Day" and you might say...
James Bond: Wasted.
Doctor Hall: Agent.
James Bond: Provocateur.
Doctor Hall: Woman?
James Bond: Provocatrix.
Doctor Hall: M.
James Bond: Bitch.
[M sighs from the other side of the interrogation room]
Doctor Hall: Gun.
James Bond: Shot.
Doctor Hall: Murder.
James Bond: Occupation.
Doctor Hall: Country.
James Bond: England.
Doctor Hall: Skyfall.
[Bond suddenly pauses]
Doctor Hall: Skyfall.
[Continued pause]
James Bond: Done.
[Bond walks out]

"Be seated. Now, I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country."

"Men, all this stuff you heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Americans, traditionally, love the sting of battle."

"When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooter, the fastest runner, the big-league ballplayer, the toughest boxer. Americans love a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Americans play to win all the time."

"I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost-and will never lose-a war, because the very thought of losing is hateful to Americans."

George C. Scott addressing the audience of troops with the first lines from Patton