19-01-2009, 06:12
It's late, the site has gone a bit quiet so I'm starting this thread off in order to give myself something to write. Feel free to join in if there's a film that gets right on your tit end...
My first choice is Independence Day. Why you ask? well let me count the ways...
The first thing that hacked me off about the film was the cast. Will Smith, Randy Quaid, Bill Pulman and Jeff Goldblum. That's a damned fine cast and it got me to fork over my money at the box office and what did I get in return? Randy Quaid playing the exact same role he played in the National Lampoon films, Bill Pulman looking constipated, Jeff Goldblum on the start of his decline into self parody and Will Smith with nothing to do.
The second thing that pissed me off was those morons who were all happy and delighted that the aliens had arrived, without bothering to ask why a bunch of Aliens would travel thousands of lightyears just to position themselves over every strategic location on the globe and maintain a stony silence. (Except for the pyramids, what reason could they have for going there except the special effect when they get blown to smithereens?)
The third thing irritated me was the whole saving the dog thing. Aliens have landed, they're blowing the shit out of everything that moves, you're trapped in a tunnel with no way out, the only possible thought you have is to save your family who will be relying on you to keep them safe in the coming shit-storm and what do you do? Risk your life for the pooch? I don't know about you, but for me it's good-bye Fido. One less mouth to feed.
The fourth thing that pissed me off was everything that happened up until the finale.
The finale itself made me spit my popcorn out in disgust. First the nauseating spectacle of the whole world being pathetically grateful to the good ol' US of A for coming up with a plan that requires nothing of them except their suicide missions against the enemy. Then there was the plan itself, infect the aliens mainframe with a computer virus. WTF??? I can't get my PC to interact with properly with my wireless router, viruses built for windows PC won't affect a Mac or Linux system but this "super-virus" can analyse an alien computer, built with thousands of years of technological advances beyond our current level and then cripple it? And even if by some incredible fluke of convergent evolution the aliens are running Ubuntu or something, why didn't they have virus protection? A routekit detector or a firewall or something? They managed to build interstellar engines, forcefields and aircraft that fly in the atmosphere without proper wings, aerodynamic design or vectoring, but forgot to nominate one of the crew as sytem admin FFS!
The film was stupid! I left the cinema with stupid all over me and the gits on the front desk wouldn't give me my money back
There! That feels better. Got it off my chest, like. Which ones pissed everybody else off?
My first choice is Independence Day. Why you ask? well let me count the ways...
The first thing that hacked me off about the film was the cast. Will Smith, Randy Quaid, Bill Pulman and Jeff Goldblum. That's a damned fine cast and it got me to fork over my money at the box office and what did I get in return? Randy Quaid playing the exact same role he played in the National Lampoon films, Bill Pulman looking constipated, Jeff Goldblum on the start of his decline into self parody and Will Smith with nothing to do.
The second thing that pissed me off was those morons who were all happy and delighted that the aliens had arrived, without bothering to ask why a bunch of Aliens would travel thousands of lightyears just to position themselves over every strategic location on the globe and maintain a stony silence. (Except for the pyramids, what reason could they have for going there except the special effect when they get blown to smithereens?)
The third thing irritated me was the whole saving the dog thing. Aliens have landed, they're blowing the shit out of everything that moves, you're trapped in a tunnel with no way out, the only possible thought you have is to save your family who will be relying on you to keep them safe in the coming shit-storm and what do you do? Risk your life for the pooch? I don't know about you, but for me it's good-bye Fido. One less mouth to feed.
The fourth thing that pissed me off was everything that happened up until the finale.
The finale itself made me spit my popcorn out in disgust. First the nauseating spectacle of the whole world being pathetically grateful to the good ol' US of A for coming up with a plan that requires nothing of them except their suicide missions against the enemy. Then there was the plan itself, infect the aliens mainframe with a computer virus. WTF??? I can't get my PC to interact with properly with my wireless router, viruses built for windows PC won't affect a Mac or Linux system but this "super-virus" can analyse an alien computer, built with thousands of years of technological advances beyond our current level and then cripple it? And even if by some incredible fluke of convergent evolution the aliens are running Ubuntu or something, why didn't they have virus protection? A routekit detector or a firewall or something? They managed to build interstellar engines, forcefields and aircraft that fly in the atmosphere without proper wings, aerodynamic design or vectoring, but forgot to nominate one of the crew as sytem admin FFS!
The film was stupid! I left the cinema with stupid all over me and the gits on the front desk wouldn't give me my money back
There! That feels better. Got it off my chest, like. Which ones pissed everybody else off?