Jokes

“The Iron That Knew Too Much joke story”

Ben’s iron wasn’t just for clothes—it was a gossip machine.
• It beeped every time he wore the same shirt twice.
• It once refused to heat up until he apologized for mixing synthetics and cotton.
• One morning, it printed “Call your mum” in steam across his trousers.
• He tried replacing it. The new iron arrived pre-wrinkled and terrified.

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

Why are the Irish so wealthy?

Because their capital is Dublin.

When baking dog biscuits, be sure to use collie flour.

A woman walks into a bar and orders a double entendre.

The bartender gives it to her.

My wife told me she wanted to spice things up in our relationship.

So I brought home some chili peppers.

She was not amused!

My wife told me she has a BBC fetish....

She wasn't impressed that night though when I walked into our bedroom in my Dr Who cosplay

Man goes into doctor's office and says, 'Doctor! I have five penises!'

Doctor says, 'My God, how do your pants fit?'

Man says, 'Like a glove!'

Two nuns are riding their bicycles down a cobblestone road.

One looks around and says to the other, 'I don't think I've ever come this way before.

The other replies, 'Must be the cobblestones.'

“The Shower Curtain of Doom” joke story

Lena and Raj were a couple who prided themselves on their minimalist aesthetic. Clean lines. Neutral tones. No clutter. So when they bought a sleek, semi-transparent shower curtain with “anti-mildew tech” and “spa vibes,” they thought they were winning at adulthood.
They were not.
Day 1: The curtain looked elegant. It billowed gently like a ghost in a perfume ad.
Day 3: Raj noticed it clung to him mid-shower. Not lightly. Aggressively. Like it wanted to merge.
Day 5: Lena tried to shower. The curtain wrapped around her like a burrito of damp plastic. She screamed. Raj ran in. Slipped. Hit the sink. The curtain whispered, “One of us.”
Day 7: They tried magnets. The curtain ate them. They tried weights. The curtain flung them. They tried hope. The curtain absorbed it.
Day 10: Raj installed a tension rod to keep it in place. The curtain snapped it in half like a breadstick. Lena called it “The Wet Kraken.”
Day 12: They tried replacing it. The new curtain arrived. The old one refused to leave. It doubled in size overnight. Now it reached the ceiling.
Day 15: They stopped showering. Just sponge baths and fear.
Day 20: A friend visited, saw the curtain, and asked, “Is that... breathing?”