Jokes

The School Trip to the Petting Zoo

Mr. Thompson took Year 7 on a trip to the local petting zoo. His instructions were clear:
“No running, no screaming, and absolutely no feeding the animals your lunch.”
But Year 7 had the energy of a thousand espresso shots.
Within 10 minutes:
- Billy tried to ride a goat like a horse.
- Priya fed her cheese sandwich to a sheep, which then chased her for the pickle.
- And Jordan—oh Jordan—decided to challenge a llama to a staring contest.
The llama won.
Then spat directly into Jordan’s mouth.
Jordan screamed.
The llama screamed.
Mr. Thompson screamed louder.
They evacuated the petting zoo.
The llama now has a restraining order.
Back at school, the headteacher asked Mr. Thompson how it went.
He replied:
“Well, no one died. But I think the llama needs therapy.”

Just been to Tesco's with the wife and totally out of the blue she said "What a lazy bastard you are"

I almost fell out of the trolley!!!

When I was growing up # was pound, not hashtag.

Good thing it changed, since “pound me too” would’ve been sending the wrong message.

How do you milk sheep?

Bring out a new iPhone and charge £1,200 for it.