Jokes

Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

They don't have balls to scratch.

I had a wank over my ex girlfriend last night...

Listen I know its wrong but I had a spare key and she's a deep sleeper!

What is hairy on the outside, but soft and wet on the inside, starts with the letter ''C'' and ends with the letter ''T''?


Coconut.

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta

A blonde goes to an international call center to call her mother. When the man tells her it will be £300, she exclaims, “I don’t have that kind of money, but I’ll do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother.”

He tells the blonde to follow him and takes her into a back room. He unzips his pants and takes out his penis.

The blonde gets on her knees, brings it toward her mouth and says, “Hello? Mom?”

What do you call a one-man quickie?

A yankee.

Which city is the friendliest in China?

Shang-hi

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in a crack!

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.

Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.

Did you hear about the Italian Chef that died?


He pasta way.