Jokes

Happy New Year everyone...

Think I may have premature congratulation!

A thief broke into my house last night looking for money.

So I got out of bed to look with him.

Husband. Get your coat on, I'm going down the pub.

Wife. Are you taking me out for once ?

Husband. No, I'm turning the heating off.

A search engine marketing expert walks into a bar, bars, bars near me, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol place, drinking spot, place for beer, beer now.....

A gang has been caught making counterfeit Kipling Bakewell tarts.

Police say they're exceedingly good fakes.

What happens when a man in Prague tries to buy a trampoline?

The Czech bounces.

What’s worse than a lobster on a piano?
Crabs on your organ.

Husband. Fancy a quickie tonight love ?

Wife. No, I've got a gynecologist appointment in the morning, I want to remain fresh.

Husband. You haven't got a dentist appointment as well, have you ?

What do you call a lesbian with large hands?

Well endowed.