Jokes

Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger?

She just couldn’t take it any longer.

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

My new girlfriend invited me to have dinner with her highly religious family.
At the start of the meal they asked me to say grace.
I'm pretty sure now that "On your marks, get set, GO!" is not what they were asking for....

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Anything you like, it's not going to come to you....

[ok, that's a golden oldie, but worthy of bringing back]

Never steal a wig.
There will be hell toupee.

Just received a mind-controlled calculator for my birthday.

Not the greatest present but it's the thought that counts.

I asked my girlfriend where she wanted to go for dinner.

She suggested, "How about one of those places where they make your food right in front of you?"

So I took her to Subway.

And that's how the fight started.

I went into the office early one morning and switched the M and N keys on everyone's keyboard. Some people will say I'm a monster...

...The others will say nomster.

Rude Rainbow clip - ADULT PARODY https://youtu.be/fST9ih0Os0E

(Love the fact that Zippy spends all of his money on Babe Station!)