Jokes

Teacher: How much is a gram?

Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need

Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.

Guess he was right.

I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store.

When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.

I said, "Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours."

He Said, "Yes, but not in a row!"

Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck!

Mirror: You kiddin' me? You break me, then y'all get 7 years bad luck!

Condom: Hahaha... (Condom walks off laughing)

I've spent all morning building a time machine.

That's four hours of my life I will definitely get back.

Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?

He pasta-way.

Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory?

10,000 soles were lost. The police said some heels started it.

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

Reality

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.

After a few drinks, the giraffe falls over and dies.

The man begins to walk out when the bartender stops him.

“Hey, you can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The bartender yells out.

The man turns around: “It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

Got a new hobby. A couple of days a week, I spend two hours bellringing. Some people find it an odd thing to do with your time, but I find it very therapeutic.
The bus driver seems less keen on it, though....