Jokes

Three pregnant women visited a hospital to check the gender of their babies.

While chatting in the waiting room, one lady said she’s sure hers is a boy because she was on the bottom during sex.

The second one went ahead to say that hers will be a girl because she was on top.

The third one, a blonde remarked ‘‘can’t wait to see my puppies!’’

A farmer’s boy woke up and went to the kitchen to get breakfast. The mother told him that he would get it after his chores were done.

He stomps out angrily and heads out to clean the chicken. While going about it, a chicken pecks him and he kicks it. He goes to the pigsty and when one pig knocks him, he knocks it back.

He went ahead to milk their cow and while close to finishing, the cow kicked the bucket and spilled the milk. He kicked the cow too.

The mother saw everything and told him no eggs because he kicked the chicken. No bacon because he kicked the pig and no milk because he kicked the cow too.

While in the house, he saw his dad come down the stairs and when a cat almost tripped him, he kicked it. The boy looked at the mother and said, ‘‘should I tell him or you will?’’

A man comes home carrying a bouquet of flowers.

The wife says, ‘‘I suppose I’ll spread my legs now.’’

The husband remarks, You mean you don’t have a vase?’’

During a Sunday school session, a Sunday school teacher asked kids if they knew how God takes people.

One kid stood up and said ‘God takes people by the feet.’

The teacher inquired for an explanation and the kid said that she walked in on her parents and found her mother’s legs lifted up in the air while screaming ‘God I’m coming’

*OPENS FACEBOOK*

Susan on my friends list says: "Going to the dentist, really hate having things put in my mouth."

Me: "That's probably why your fucking husband left you, Susan."

*UNFRIENDED BY SUSAN*

What goes in hard and dry then comes out wet and soft?

Chewing gum.

What comes after 69?

Mouthwash.

Why is being in the military like a blow-job?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel

Wife: Look at that drunk guy.

Husband: Who is he?

Wife: 10 years back he proposed to me and I rejected him.

Husband: Oh my God! He’s still celebrating!