Jokes

Alcohol is good for health!

Millions of men can not be wrong...

A husband and wife decide on a code language whenever they feel like having sex to escape the attention of their son.

According to the code language, the wife will be the typewriter and the husband will act as the typist.

However, they had a petty quarrel a few days ago and were not talking to each other. One day the husband gets into the mood and he can’t hold any longer. So he sends a word to his wife through the son.

The son comes and tells her, “Mom, dad wants to use the typewriter.” The wife was having her period at that time and she thought for a while and said, “Tell dad, he can’t because the red ribbon is on now,” she said.

However, the husband misunderstands that it was a deliberate excuse on her part.

Next day the son comes to his dad on an errand from his mom this time and tells him, “Dad, mom said it is okay now; the red ribbon is removed and you can type.”

The husband then tells his son, “Tell your mom I don’t need to type now. It was urgent, so I've already written it by hand!”

Just had a dangerous mole removed from the end of my penis.

Definitely won't be shagging one of those again.

A man walks into a pub and asks for 12 shots of vodka.

The barman says, "Wow, 12. Are you celebrating?"

The man replies, "I've just experienced my first blow job."

The barman says, "That's brilliant. Let me get you another one on the house."

The man replies, "No, that's okay. If the twelfth one doesn't get the taste out of my mouth nothing will."

Plain nurse to pretty nurse
"Have you seen that Welshman in Ward 3 who is tatooed all over? I was giving him a bath this morning and I noticed he's even got LUDO tattooed on his you-know-what." Pretty nurse: "That's not LUDO, that's LLANDUDNO."

My wife has just arrived back from her driving test. I asked her if she’d passed it.

She said that she didn’t know, because when she left the hospital the examiner was still unconscious

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry.! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"​

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain." So the dentist ask him, "Which tooth is it sir?"​

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth Honey, and show him."

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years your job will still suck.

If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you?

What’s the difference between being hungry and being horny?

Where you put the cucumber.