Jokes

"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home.

He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.

' 'Is it common?' I asked.

'It's not unusual' he replied.

I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah.

I thought: "He's trying to pull a fast one."

My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.

We'll see about that.

My wife asked me, “Why don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating?”

So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house.

My friend took me to the playboy mansion but I couldn't escape

It was full of booby traps

Our boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger…

And then it hit me.

The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.

I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.

So what if I don’t know what “Armageddon” means?

It’s not the end of the world.

Cosmetic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.

Now you can talk about Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow.