RE: Jokes - Carl-Gen X - 25-11-2020 20:29
Priti Patel is touring the countryside in a chauffeur-driven car. Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on and the car comes to a stop.
Priti, in her usual bullying manner, says to the chauffeur: 'You get out and check - you were driving.'
The chauffeur gets out, checks and reports that the animal is dead.
'You were driving; go and tell the farmer, ' says Priti.
Five hours later, the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled, with a big grin on his face.
'My goodness, what happened to you?' asks Priti.
The chauffeur replies: ' When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whisky, the wife gave me a slap-up meal and the daughter made love to me. '
'What on earth did you say?' asks Priti.
'I knocked on the door, and when it was answered, I said to them: I'm Priti Patel's chauffeur and I've just killed the cow.'
RE: Jokes - Carl-Gen X - 25-11-2020 20:36
An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 26-11-2020 16:37
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France?
There was nothing left but de Brie.
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 26-11-2020 16:40
Which rock group has four guys who can’t sing or play instruments?
Mount Rushmore.
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 26-11-2020 16:41
Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.
RE: Jokes - Carl-Gen X - 26-11-2020 19:55
I saw a frisbee in flight and I was wondering why it seemed to be getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
RE: Jokes - Carl-Gen X - 26-11-2020 20:00
How can you find out if Will Smith's been out in the snow?
Follow the fresh prints.
RE: Jokes - Cheesy Grin - 26-11-2020 23:22
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 27-11-2020 19:24
A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for books about paranoia.
She whispers, "They're right behind you!"
RE: Jokes - billyboy1963 - 27-11-2020 19:25
What should you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns?
Go straight for the juggler.
|