Jokes

Husband frantically calls hotel management from his hotel room:

"Please come fast I'm having an argument with my wife and she says she
will jump out the window of your hotel".

The manager responded: "Sir that's a personal matter.

Husband: "Idiot, the window won't open! That's a maintenance matter”

A man is surprised to receives a call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I'm sorry, but I have some bad news and some worse news."

"Well, alright, give me the bad news first," said the man.

"Well," said the doctor, "The bad news is that you only have 24 hours to live."

"Holy Cow! That is some bad news!" the man exclaimed. "What news could be worse than that?" he asked.

"The worse news is that I have been trying to reach you since yesterday."

Two WPCs out on patrol with their alsatian. One says “I’m cold & I’ve left my knickers at the station.” The other says “Use the dog. Give him a sniff of your fanny & he’ll fetch them for you!” So the dog has a sniff & off he runs back to the station. 2 hrs later he returns with 2 truncheons, a broom & 3 of the desk Sgt’s fingers.

Have you heard about the new ‘Mint flavored birth control pill for women that they take immediately before sex?

They’re called ‘Predickamints’

How do you get four old ladies to shout “F*ck”?

Get a fifth old lady to shout “Bingo!”

What doesn’t belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?

Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can’t beat a blowjob.

I went out dressed like a chicken last night and I met a girl who was dressed like an egg.

One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered:

it was the chicken.

My gay friend got fired from the sperm bank because they caught him drinking on the job.

What do you call it when one tree betrays another?

Treeson

What did the penis say to the condom?

Cover me, I'm going in