Jokes

(18-11-2009 13:39 )85stevewest Wrote:  is it fair to say there would be less litter about if blind people were given pointed sticks

hope this doesnt offend anyone.i just read it in a mag,lol

I don't think any blind people will be reading it.

A man is driving down a road. A woman is driving up the same road.
As they pass each other the man shouts out of his window
"FUCKING BIG FAT COW"
The woman yells back
"FUCKING WANKER"
The woman turns round a corner, crashes into a big fat cow and dies.

Moral of the story??

If only women would fucking listen!!

I'm worried that my dyslexic girlfriend is cheating on me.

She keeps texting me and saying that she wants to do Alan.

My girlfriend told me that she was considering going blonde to look more intelligent.

I laughed and said "name just two intelligent blondes"

She replied "well Jordan and Katie Price for starters"

I said "you know what, I think you should go blonde, it will suit you".

I asked a french bloke if he played video games.

He said Wii.

my parents are from glasgow,which means they are incredibly hard,thou i was never smacked as a child........well,maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night

have you noticed recently that president obama is getting skinny?insiders say that he has been too busy to eat,which is a problem president clinton never seemed to have.

two guys are sitting outside a clinic when one of them bursts into tears.sam asks tom:"why are you crying?"tom says "i came here for a blood test and they said they have to cut my finger off " at that point sam starts crying.and tom asks "whats wrong mate"sam replies"im here for a urine test"

two aussies spot a crocodile with a mans head protruding fromits mouth,one man turns to the other and says"look at that, a lacoste sleeping bag"

a man comes home to find his best friend in bad with his wife,enraged, he shoots his mate,his wife says"thats really silly,if you carry on like this you,ll have no friends left"