Jokes

A little boy sits on Santa's lap. Santa says "I bet I know what you want for Christmas," and with his finger he taps the boys nose with every letter he spells "T-O-Y-S".
The little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have enough toys."
Santa replies once again tapping the boys nose with every letter, "C-A-N-D-Y."
Again the little boy thinks a second and says, "No, I have all kinds of candy."
"Well what would you like for Christmas?" Santa asks.

The little boy replies, tapping Santa on the nose,
"P-U-S-S-Y, and don't tell me you don't have any because I can smell it on your finger!"

a cruise ship sank off the coast of a deserted island,leaving three survivors,two guys and a girl.after several years of constant casual sex the girl feel terrible about what she,s been doing and kills herself.for the first couple of days things wernt to bad for the blokes.after a week things were getting desperate,but after a month one guy says to his mate"i cant do this no more,we should bury her"

sorry...its a sick joke i know.

i was set upon by three guys last night in an alley.i managed to knock one out.probably not the best time for a wank,but what the hell.

i phoned the local ramblers club today but the bloke who answered went on and on

at a club last night,an attractive blonde said she wanted to fuck me on a ceramic dish,its the first time ive been offered sex on a plate

santa one liners :-

1. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?

2. Wanna see my 12-inch elf?

3. I`ve got something special in the sack for you!

4. Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?

5. I know when you've been bad or good ... so let's skip the small talk, sister!

6. Some of my best toys run on batteries.

7. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that's what the Mrs. calls it)

8. I see you when you're sleeping ... and you don't wear any underwear, do you?

9. Screw the "nice" list -- I've got you on my "naughty" list!

10. Wanna join the "Mile High" club?

hull city have released a statement saying there thinking of changing their nickname to "the possums"because they seem to play dead at home and get killed on the road

Pollen is essentially 'plant sperm'.

Therefore, this makes hay fever an STD.

Since no one voluntarily takes in pollen, I've deduced: We are all being raped by trees.

In conclusion: deforestation is the way forward.

Take that environment. You rape us. We rape you right back.

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table.

A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet £20,000 on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude."

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed.. "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching."

MORAL: Not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.

Amen Lol.

dim dave gets pulled over by the police for running through a stop sign"but officer"protests dave"i might not have stopped,but at least i slowed down and thats almost the same."the policeman gets his baton out and starts beating dave over the head with it"ouch"cries dave"what are you doing that for?" "well,do you want me to slow right down or stop?"asks the policeman