Jokes

aerosol, i thought that's how irish people say "arsehole"
(say it in an irish accent)

I couldn't resist having a wank today,the ref booked me for an over elaborate goal celebration.

My wife asked me what I was doing on the computer.

"I'm looking for some cheap flights," I replied.

"Oh that's great love," she said. "Have you found any? I'll help you look."

She usually isn't that interested in darts.

My Mate just asked me "what's an acorn" I said "well in a nut shell,it's an oak tree"

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

(02-09-2011 21:15 )Stillroom Rock Wrote:  Who discovered you can get milk from a Cow and what were they doing when they discovered it ?

same can be said with eggs, what person said, "look, that round-ish thing came out that chicken's arse (or whatever word they said back then), let's eat it"

and i'd love to know the first woman to say to a man, "you know your penis? i'm gonna stick it my mouth and suck it"

(02-09-2011 11:55 )Cheesy Grin Wrote:  Stupid people awards

My favorite was the crook who tried to siphon petrol out of one of those big American camper vans but stuck the hose into the sewage waste dump by mistake. The police turned up but the owner declined to press charges as a) he couldn't stop laughing and b) he thought the guy had suffered enough!

Q. What do Mexicans put under their carpets?
A. Underlay, underlay!

Science shows that owls have the sharpest hearing on the planet.They clearly have never tested a man watching porn whilst his wife is asleep.