RE: Jokes
A scientist has invented a bra that prevents tit's bobbing up and down and nipples sticking out when its cold. His colleagues have kicked the shit out of him.
Ulrika Johnsson was rushed out of the big brother house yesterday after sitting on a mobile phone.....Wasn't a big problem though as she's had an erricson up her arse before.
Why is a 9v battery like a womans asshole? You know you shouldn't but sooner or later your gonna put your tongue on it.
Little Johnnie's neighbour had a baby. Unfortunately, the baby was born without ears. When mother and new baby came home from the hospital, Johnnie's family was invited over to see the baby. Before they left their house, Little Johnnie's dad had a talk with him and explained that the baby had no ears. His dad also told him that if he so much as mentioned anything about the baby's missing ears or even said the word ears, he would get the smacking of his life when they came back home. Little Johnnie told his dad he understood completely. When Johnnie looked in the crib he said, "What a beautiful baby." The mother said, "Why, thank you, Little Johnnie. Johnnie said, "He has beautiful little feet and beautiful little hands, a cute little nose and really beautiful eyes. Can he see?" "Yes", the mother replied, "we are so thankful; the Doctor said he will have 20/20 vision." "That's great", said Little Johnnie,"coz he'd be fucked if he needed glasses".
Did you hear about the dirty cream egg? He was walking about with his yoke hanging out
Three groups of scientists have conducted an extensive survey into the reason for the bell-end on a mans penis. The first group from USA concluded that it was to increase the mans pleasure during intercourse. The second group, from the UK, concluded that it was to increase the womans pleasure during intercourse. The third group, from Australia, concluded that it was to stop the man smacking himself in the face when he's wanking.
Simon was in turmoil, one side of his brain told him that sleeping with his paitents wasn't such a bad thing. Surely he wasn't the first to do it nor would he be the last. He continually tried to convince himself that his paitents wanted to sleep with him as much as he did them. But every time he had this inner debate, the voice from the other side of his brain always remended him ''but Simon, you're a vet''.
A family are driving along a busy road one day behind a Ann Summers lorry when suddenly a 10'' dildo flies out of the back of the lorry and bounces of the car windscreen. Mummy, in a quick attempt to protect little jonnies innocence, turns around and tells jonnie that it was only an insect to which little jonnie replies- '' Fucking hell, i'm suprised the cunt can even fly with a cock like that!!''
Mick Hucknall was arrested last night for having underage sex with a rabbit. Apparently he was holdin back the ears and the bunny was too tight too mention!
The mediocre will always throw stones at the brilliant
Better to die on your feet than to live on your knee's
Never trust anything that bleeds for almost a week and doesn't die
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
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