Jokes

How did Scrooge win the football game?

The ghost of Christmas passed!

A funny Boxing Day joke story

The Dedicated Shopper

It was 4:00 AM on Boxing Day, and a massive line had already formed outside a giant electronics store. Everyone was shivering in the cold, waiting for the doors to swing open for the legendary "Door Buster" deals.

At the very front of the line stood a man named Arthur, who had been camping out since 10:00 PM the night before. Suddenly, a small, energetic man tried to push his way past the crowd toward the front.

The people in line were not having it.

"Hey! Get to the back!" yelled one woman. "We’ve been here all night!" shouted another.

As the small man tried to squeeze past Arthur, Arthur gave him a firm shove, sending him tumbling back into a snowbank. The man got up, brushed himself off, and tried to rush the front again. This time, the crowd grabbed him by his coat and literally tossed him back ten feet.

The man sat in the snow for a moment, sighed deeply, and looked up at the angry crowd.

"Look," he said calmly, "if you guys don't let me get to the front, I’m never going to be able to unlock the front door!"

Yesterday I couldn’t figure out whether someone was waving at me or the person behind me.

In other news, I lost my lifeguard job.

What do you give a man that has everything?

Penicillin.

The Unusual Dinner Guest funny joke story

Harold was hosting his boss, Mr. Finch, for dinner—a high-stakes evening. Everything was perfect: the table set, the chicken roasting, and the atmosphere appropriately formal.

As Mr. Finch was being seated, Harold offered him a basket of bread rolls.

First Look: Harold saw the basket and registered the freshly baked bread rolls he’d bought from the artisan bakery. He placed it by Mr. Finch.

Just as Harold was turning to get the wine, his brain processed a strange detail: one of the rolls in the basket seemed to be slightly... hairy.

Harold stopped, took a deep breath, and performed a slow, horrified double take.

He stared at the basket, his eyes wide. Sure enough, right in the middle of the golden, flaky rolls, was his small, brown, napping Chihuahua.

Mr. Finch cleared his throat politely. "Harold," he said, indicating the basket, "I'm not usually one to complain, but I think this roll has gone stale."

Harold grabbed the dog (and the basket) in one swift motion and bolted toward the kitchen.

His wife, Maria, met him at the door, holding her forehead. "I told you we should have named him 'Crouton'!"

Did you hear about the psychic little person who escaped prison?

Police are looking for a small Medium at large.

What do you call an employee who’s great at hiding?

A remote worker.

Time zones are funny things. Australia has been in 2026 for a while already, whereas Europe will transition to the new year in the next few hours. Meanwhile, in the USA, it's the mid-late 1930s.

On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.

As the clock struck midnight the bartender was almost crushed to death.

As midnight approaches, a woman begins soaking a few sponges.

When the clock hits midnight, she begins squeezing the water out of the sponges. Her husband looks at her curiously and asks, “Honey, what are you doing?”

She replies, “Oh, you know, I’m wringing in the New Year!”