Jokes

How is Christmas like your job?

You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Did you hear about the sensitive burglar?

He couldn’t stop taking things personally.

Children: This turkey tastes like an old sofa.

Mom: Well, you asked for something with plenty of stuffing.

What do you get when you mix a Christmas tree and an iPad?

A pineapple.

Santa Loses a Reindeer… and Blames the Wi-Fi X-mas funny joke story

It was two nights before Christmas, and Santa was doing a final roll call.

“Dasher?”
“Here!”
“Dancer?”
“Here!”
“Prancer?”
“Here!”
“Rudolph?”
“…Rudolph?”

Silence.

Mrs. Claus poked her head out the workshop door.“ Did you check the Find My Reindeer app?”

Santa grumbled. “It keeps buffering. The North Pole Wi‑Fi is powered by elves on treadmills, remember?”

They eventually found Rudolph in the break room, wearing sunglasses, sipping hot cocoa, and refusing to work until Santa agreed to “better dental benefits.”

Santa sighed. “Fine. One free whitening session.”

Rudolph nodded. “Then we fly.”

Short X-Mas funny jokes

Q. What did one snowman say to the other? A. Can you smell carrots?

Q. Where does a snowman go to dance? A. A snow ball

Q. What music do elves like best? A. Wrap music

Did you hear that Santa adopted a dog from a blacksmith?

As soon as he brought him to the North Pole, he made a bolt for the door.

Do snow globes ever get scared?

No, but occasionally they get shaken.

Mrs. Claus’ Romantic Surprise… Goes Horribly Wrong funny X-mas joke story

Mrs. Claus decided this year she’d spice things up .Candles. Soft music. A red velvet robe that was definitely not regulation North Pole attire.

Santa walked in, saw the setup, and immediately panicked.

“FIRE DRILL! EVERYONE OUT!”

Elves sprinted in from every direction, throwing buckets of snow at the candles, sliding across the floor like penguins on ice.

Mrs. Claus stood there, soaked, robe drooping, mascara running.

Santa blinked.“…Was this not a drill?”

She sighed. “I was trying to be romantic.”

Santa nodded slowly. “Right. Next year, leave a note.”

What do you call Santa’s little helpers?

Subordinate clauses.