Jokes

Part 4 is going full throttle into “Worst Family Dinner Disasters”

Scene: Same café, same four friends. The tea’s hot, the toast is burnt, and the trauma is fresh.
Brunette starts, already rubbing her temples. “Okay, worst family dinner ever. I brought my boyfriend to meet my parents. Everything was going fine until my nan asked him what he did for work.”
“Let me guess,” the redhead smirks. “He said something inappropriate?”
“Worse. He said, ‘I’m an OnlyFans photographer. I specialize in feet.’”
The black-haired girl chokes on her croissant. “Did your nan faint?”
“No. She asked for his business card.”

Redhead jumps in. “Mine was Christmas dinner. I was trying to impress my new in-laws, so I offered to carve the turkey. I didn’t realise it was still frozen inside.”
“What happened?”
“I stabbed it so hard the knife snapped and flew across the room. It hit the wall and stuck there like a horror movie. My father-in-law just whispered, ‘She’s one of those.’”

Black-haired girl groans. “I once brought my vegan girlfriend to my family’s annual BBQ. My uncle thought tofu was a type of cheese and tried to melt it on the grill.”
“Did it work?”
**“No. It exploded. Covered my aunt in soy shrapnel. She screamed, ‘I’ve been beaned!’ and ran into the paddling pool.”

All eyes turn to the blonde, who’s sipping her tea like it’s a sedative.
“Okay,” she says. “I went to dinner with a guy named Jim—”
“Oh no, not Jim again…” the others groan.
“Wait. This time his name was Jim. But he brought me to his family dinner at a gym.”
“A gym?”
“Yeah. His family owns a protein bar café inside a gym. His mum served roast chicken with creatine gravy. His dad gave a toast about ‘gains and love.’ And his nan challenged me to a squat-off.”
“Did you win?”
“No. I farted mid-squat and knocked over a stack of dumbbells. They rolled into the kitchen and crushed the gravy boat.”

A young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."

The couple agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor asked them, "Well, were you able to get through the two weeks without being intimate?"

"Pastor, I'm afraid we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied.

"What happened?" inquired the pastor.

"My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand, of course, that this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"That's okay," said the young man. "We're not welcome at the grocery store anymore either."

An older man was driving his new Mercedes at 100 mph when he noticed a police car chasing him in the rearview mirror. He accelerated to 125 and then 155 mph. Suddenly, he thought to himself, "I've outgrown this bullshit." He slowed down, pulled over to the side of the road, and waited for the police car to catch up.

The traffic officer approached him, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes, it's Friday, and I'm about to start my weekend. If you give me a reason for your speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go in peace."

The man looked at the officer seriously and replied, "Years ago, my wife left me and ran off with a police officer. When I saw you chasing me, I thought you were bringing her back..."

The officer turned around and said, "Have a nice day, sir!"

You should never talk to someone that leaves conversations on a cliffhanger.

You’ll never hear the end of it.