Jokes

How many crime authors does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, one to do it almost all of the way, and another to give it a surprising twist at the end....

My Doctor asked me if I thought I had a drink problem, I replied " Yes, I've only got two hands and one mouth"....

Why is having sex like eating a KFC?
Well, after you've enjoyed the breasts & thighs, you've got a greasy box to put your bone in .....

Have you seen the new Barbie doll "Divorce Barbie" ?

Apparently it comes with Ken's house for free!

What's a lawyer's favorite drink?
Subpoena colada.

Police say a man who last week was shot 200 times with a upholstery gun was now totally recovered.

Billy started a nightclub for men with erectile dysfunction.

It was a total flop......and nobody came

I phoned my lawyer and asked how much it would cost to answer three questions.
"Eight hundred pounds" was the response.
"That's a bit steep isn't it?" I replied.
"That's a matter of opinion, & what's your third question?" said the lawyer....

Feeling horny, I phoned the wife for some hot phone sex.
"Tell me if you're wearing any knickers," I said.
"Actually, I'm not." she replied.
"Ooh you mucky little minx. What are you doing?" I asked provocatively.
"Having a shit," wasn't really the answer I was looking for!