Jokes

One day a huge, hulking viking left the cover of his cabin of his longship and strode forward brooding as he gazed ahead.

"There will be a huge storm with lashings of rain! Make safe the stowage on the ship! We are in for a rough ride"

The steerswoman who was also The Red's wife, for this was he shouted back "How are you so sure my beloved Rudolph?"


He turned and gazed lovingly back at her and declared in a soft voice "Because Rudolph the Red knows Rain dear!"

It was my birthday last night and my girlfriend said to me - how's about a bit of role play in the bedroom?

and i said - oh yes sounds like fun

she said - i was thinking a little french maid's outfit

i replied - count me in

but we ended up having a terrible argument

...well i didn't know she was going to wear one too

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist?

He sold his soul to Santa.

Say your left leg is Christmas Day, and your right leg is Boxing Day…

Can I visit between the holidays?

So my girlfriend said she wanted a white Christmas…

But when I came on her face this morning, she didn’t even thank me.

Why doesn’t Santa have kids of his own?

He only comes once a year.

Just been chatting to a girl who runs a battery kiosk in my local park....she sells C cells by the seesaw..

What do you get if you buy your kids crayons?

A gift to make your kin scrawl..

(10-12-2020 20:11 )Carl-Gen X Wrote:  What do you get if you buy your kids crayons?

A gift to make your kin scrawl..

Think it's time to get your coat - lol

A few random jokes

1. BREAKING NEWS!! Police are on the lookout for an escaped apple crumble and his partner and accomplice jam roly poly.
Yeah. Seem both suspects are on the run, having escaped police custard-ody.


2. I accidentally invited a friend yesterday evening for dinner.
It was a miss, steak.


3. Two guys walk into a bar.
You would of thought one of them would of seen it.


4. Knock, knock...
Who's there
Doris.
Doris who
Doris locked. That why I knocked.


5. Knock knock...
Who's there
Wooden shoe.
Wooden shoe who
Wooden shoe believe it, it almost 2 weeks to Christmas Day!


6. My girlfriend says she wants me to buy her something that makes her hot, sweaty and something really special we can do together every morning every single day!
You've should of seen her face when I brought her a Workout Fitness DVD & build her a gym set in the living room