Jokes

An old lady went to visit her dentist.

When it was her turn, she sat in the chair, lowered her underpants, and raised her legs.

The dentist said, “Excuse me, but I’m not a gynecologist.”

“I know,” said the old lady. “I want you to take my husband’s teeth out.”

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.

The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

A boy was going through his grandmother's wallet one night and found her ID card.

"Grandma?" he asked,"How much do you weigh?"

His grandmother replied, "That's not an appropriate question, Jimmy"

He then asked, "How old are you?" She again replied, "That's not appropriate, Jimmy."

Finally he asked, "Grandma, why did grandpa leave you?"

Before she had time to answer, Jimmy looked at the card and said, "Oh I see, it's because you got an 'F' in sex."

If you play Justin Bieber records backwards you hear a message from satan.

Even worse if you play them forwards, you hear Justin Bieber

My Missus is threatening to leave me because she says I'm obsessed with Fifa 20

In my defence though I have Van Dijk, Maguire, Gomez & Trent Arnold.

Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar

“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey….................... and a cola.”

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender.

The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure. I was born with them.”

Where are average things manufactured?

The satisfactory.

How does Moses make tea?

He brews.