Jokes

I built an electric fence around my back garden.

When I last saw my neighbour, he was dead against it.

To the creep who stole my glasses...

I will find you..I have contacts.

What do you call a dragon with heartburn? Bad news for the nearest village.

Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them.

Do You Love Me? joke

A woman woke her husband one night and said 'There's a burglar in the kitchen eating my home-made steak and kidney pie!'
'Oh dear', said the husband. 'Who shall I call, police or ambulance?'

Why did Grandad hamster dislike toffee? It got stuck to his rodentures!

My dad's a lift operator. He says the business has its ups and downs.

Baby Tomato was falling behind. Mama Tomato said, ketchup!

What did one plate say to the other last evening? Dinner's on me

What do you call a singing computer? A Dell.

Donald Trump has a fear of downwards slopes - particularly his approval rating.

Q: What do you call a movie about Donald Trump, Bernie Madoff, and Kenneth Lay?
A: The League of Extraordinary Con Men.

I always wanted to own an electric fence.

I was fucking buzzing when I got my hands on one.

Never challenge death to a pillow fight

Unless you’re prepared to handle the Reaper cushions..

After hours of intensive cross examination I reached a conclusion.


It’s definitely a crucifix...

For me, the urge to sing ‘The Lion sleeps tonight’ is always just a whim away...