Jokes

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a spot?
A spot will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

Tommy Cooper joke.
I was upstairs with the wife the other day in the attic, dirty, smelly and covered in cobwebs, but she's good with the kids.

I spent last night defrosting the fridge.

Or foreplay as she likes to call it.

The other day I suggested that my uptight girlfriend should try masturbating with fruit.

She went fucking bananas.

The wife was trying to be sexy for me last night...

When I went upstairs she was lying naked sucking a lollypop, then she stuck it up her vagina.

I said "be careful with that love, you will need it for getting the kids across the road tomorrow."

Every time my wife can't complete a jigsaw puzzle, she goes to pieces

All men marry nymphomaniacs.

Then after a few years the nympho leaves and the maniac stays.

Old Les Dawson(comedian of the 80's) joke
"I wouldn't say the mother-in-law was frightening but when the mice found out she was coming to stay they threw themselves on the traps!"

Why was the Polish man rubbing his bollocks?

They warsaw.

So the bloke asked me if i was drunk....i said yes. That was the shortest job interview I've ever had.