Jokes

I'm not saying my wife's a tart but even the label in her knickers says "NEXT".

an old retired sailor puts on his old uniform and goes down to the docks once more for old times sake.he hires a prostitute and takes her up to her room.hes going at it as best he can for a man his age and asks,how am i doing?the prostitute replies,well sailor your doing about 3 knots. 3 knots?he replies.
.whats that supposed to mean?she says your not hard, your not in and your not getting your fucking money back

(26-02-2012 15:18 )MikeGee Wrote:  I'm not saying my wife's a tart but even the label in her knickers says "NEXT".

i always wondered why mine said C & A!

Our sex life needed a bit of spicing up so I took mrs w to "Ann Summers".
mrs w is infuriatingly indecisive, and we were in there for a whole hour while she tried to choose a dildo and I started to get the hump:

"hurry up for ffs and choose!"

she said "ohhhh, um, alright, I'll have the big red one in the corner"

"I'm sorry, madam" said the assistant, "that's a fire extinguisher"

My uncle died doing something he loved.

He was lying in bed, completely ignoring my aunt yelling at him to wake up.

woman tries to spice up her sex life so buys some crotchless knickers and sits opposite her husband wiih her legs open,are you wearing crotchless knickers he says,yes says his wife,thank fuck for that says the husband i thought the sofa had burst

a little old man totters into a chemist and says i want some viagra and can you cut them in quarters.the chemist says,i can if you want but a quarter wont give you an erection.the old man replies.im 96 years old i dont want an erection i just want it sticking out far enough so i dont keep pissing on me slippers

What has 3 teeth and 20 legs ?

The queue outside a Methadone Clinic

My wife was stood at the front door with her case,she said "I'm leaving you because of your strange sexual requests" That's fine" I replied "but can you slam my cock in the door as you leave"

To find out more on terrorism in Iraq press the red button now.