Jokes

What type of cheese is made backwards?

Edam

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she belonged to someone else...

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to her and said, "I'll give you a £100 if you let me screw you. But the girl said NO.

Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the time you pick it up. "

She thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her boyfriend... So she called her boyfriend and told him the story.

Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for £200, pick up the money very fast, he won't even be able to get his pants down."

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his girlfriend to call.

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and asks what happened.

She responded, "The idiot used coins!

Barking dog at the back door wanting in and your wife’s yelling at the front wanting in.

Which one do you let in?

The dog, once he’s in, he shuts up!

Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring?

He decided to stick it out for one more year!

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over

Did you hear about the new restaurant on the moon? The food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.

At a swimming pool: Three guys climb a high-dive tower and meet a good fairy who offers to fulfill a wish for each of them. One jumps and says, ”Beer!” - and the pool is full of beer. The other one jumps, says, “Money!” and the pool is full of money. The last one starts to jump but slips and, falling, yells, “SHIIIIIIT!!!”

I don't really like fast food

I can never catch it

What do a bungee jump and a prostitute have in common?

They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed

Why did the woman leave her husband after he spent all their money on a penis enlarger?

She just couldn’t take it any longer.

I had unprotected phone sex once.

Now I’ve got hearing aids.