Jokes

Bloke went to the doctors (hope this can be followed up with more doctors jokes) :-

"Doctor, I can't stop telling lies"

"I don't believe you!"

What has 200 arms,200 legs & 2 pubic hairs?

The front row of a Justin Bieber concert.

Bloke goes to the doctor and says “ Doctor, you’ve got to help me, I can’t stop my hands from shaking”

Doctor says “Do you drink a lot?”

Bloke replies “Not really - I spill most of it”


I’ll get my coat...

Bloke went to the doctors :-

The doctor said to him
"Jim I have some bad news & worse news the bad new is you got 24 hours to live!"
"What's the worse news?"
"Should have told you yesterday!"

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter’s strange eating habits.
–“All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?”
–“Eventually,” said the consultant, “she will rise and shine.”

A man wakes up in a panic & a cold-sweat lying in a hospital bed & shouts "Doctor Doctor I can't feel my legs!".The Doctor walks up to the distraught patient & says "I'm so sorry sir we have some good news & some bad news?" to which the man replies " I better have the bad news first!".The Doctor says "The bad news is you can't feel your legs because we've amputated both your arms off!"."What's the good news then?" asks patient "The good news is the guy in the bed 2 doors down is interested in buying your old gloves off you!".

Bloke with laryngitis goes to the doctors - -
"is the doctor in? he says
"No"

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says “Here. Ow.” She then pokes her arm and says “Here. Ow.” She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say “I know what’s happened to you.” “What’s happened to me??” The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, “You have a broken finger.”

Bloke goes to the doctors :-
"I think I'm a pair of curtains!"
"Pull yourself together man!"