Jokes

An elderly man was at home when he saw some young chavs vandalising his garden shed, so he called the police, explained the situation and what should he do.

The police said they were a litte too busy to come round but to lock his door, stay inside and wait for when the police could come round. The elderly gent hung up the phone.

10 minutes later he called the police again and said its ok now and not to come round as he's shot them and no longer pose a threat.

Within 5 minutes armed police were breaking down the door to his house, but instead of finding the old man with a gun and dead chavs, they caught the vandals red handed alive and well!

The police were supprised and said "we thought you said you had shot them"?

To which the old guy replied "I thought you said you were too busy to come round"

thats a good joke mate,and so true as well

Math Test

This math test can predict your all time most watched film, mine was Saving Private Ryan. Try it without looking at the answers. It works!

Pick a number from 1 - 9.

Multiply by 3.

Add 3.

Then multiply by 3 again.

You will get your answer by adding the two digits together to find your all time favorite movie. Good Luck !!




Answers from Test

1. Gone with the Wind.
2. Aliens.
3. Oliver.
4. Star Wars.
5. Forrest Gump.
6. Saving Private Ryan.
7. Jaws.
8. Grease.
9. The joy of Anal Sex with male goats & leather clad gay boys.
10. Mary Poppins.

mine was oliver,unless i done it wrong

Some people said Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is a bit unrealistic.

The Americans are hunting down 2 brits,
The British are trying to save the world
and the French are nowhere to be found.

Sounds pretty fuckin realistic to me.

The worst thing about people having sex in the next hotel room is how cold the glass is on your ear.

two woman are chatting when one spots the others husband and says"oh look,gloria!,your husbands bought you a bunch of flowers"gloria says "oh great,thats me on my back all weekend then"her friend looks suprised and asks"havnt you got a vase then?"

Loooooooool

Three kinds of female orgasm -
Positive: "Yes...yes...yeeeessss....YES!!"
Negative: "No...no...noooooooo.....NO!"
Fake: "Oh Mick"

I got drunk last night and attacked my Butler. Now he's lost the use of his left arm.

Serves me right.