Jokes

A small boy asks his Dad, "Daddy, what is Politics?". "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the Administrator of the money, so let's call her The Government. We're hear to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, we'll consider her The Working Class and your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now think about that and see if that makes sense".

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nannys room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father having sex with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of Politics now". The father says, "Good, Son, Tell me in your own words what you think Politics is all about".
The little boy replies, "Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, The government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit".

Last night I was sat on the bed puling my boxers off when the wife came in and said: "You know, you spoil those dogs..."

The best part about having a prostitute die on you is that the second hour is free.

(18-01-2019 13:42 )Cheesy Grin Wrote:  Last night I was sat on the bed puling my boxers off when the wife came in and said: "You know, you spoil those dogs..."

Oh you’re going straight to hell for that one...

I was at the cemetery earlier and I saw 4 men carrying a coffin. A few hours later I saw the same men carrying the same coffin and I thought to myself, 'They've lost the plot!'

Lady Bufton was in her bedroom, when in walked. Weeble. She knew Lord Bufton was in the city for the day and they had the place to themselves.

"Weeble," she said breathily, "why don't you...take off my shoes?"

"Yes, M'lady," he replied, voice trembling.

"Weeble...why don't you take off my dress?"

"Yes, M'Lady."

"Weeble...why don't you take off my bra?"

"Yes, M'Lady."

"Weeble...why don't you take off my panties?"

"Yes, M'Lady."

"Now, Weeble...I never want to catch you wearing my clothes again, do you understand?"

Why do the French only ever eat a single egg?

Because in France, one egg is un oeuf.

There's a rumour going round that Cadburys are bringing out an oriental chocolate bar....but it could just be a Chinese wispa.

While she was speeding down the road yesterday (10mph over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.

The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"

To which she replied, "I'm late for work."

"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"

"I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.

The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"

"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide."

"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole?" he asked.

"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."

Doing a bit of internet browsing earlier today I spotted a fascinating new website called Conjunctivitis.com - It's a site for sore eyes.