Jokes

A man was walking his dog through the graveyard when he saw another man crouching behind a gravestone.

"Morning!" he said.

The other man replies, "No, just having a shit."

Two prisoneers were waiting to be executed. The warden asked if there were any last request.
Prisoneer #1 says,"I want to hear the song La Vita Loca by Ricky Martin played over the intercom as I am being executed. The warden replied "I shall do that". The warden turned to prisoneer #2 and asked. "what would be your last request?" Prisoneer #2 replied, "Could I be executed FIRST?"

An old man and an old woman were at the doctors.
The Doctor goes to the old man "I require a urine sample, a stool sample and a blood sample".
Now the old man who is a bit deaf turns to his wife and says "What did the Doctor just say"?
And the old woman replies "He has just asked for your underpants"!

There's a part of me that likes the fact that smoking can also be known as "sucking off a fag"

Adam & Eve - the first people not to read the Apple terms & conditions

A Buddhist walks up to a hotdog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."