Jokes

Two Blondes were doing a crossword puzzle. The first blonde said:
"Flightless bird from Iceland, six and seven letters."
"That's easy, said the second blonde. "Frozen Chicken."

Two friends planned to go to a fancy dress party as a pair of breasts. One didn't turn up, making the other look a right tit.

Two gay men were walking through the park one afternoon when it began to rain. One said: Shall I put the umbrella up?
"Yes" replied the other, "but for God's sake don't open it!"

A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted the terms of a New Orleans hooker. When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair. The man shouted: "What, no wool? In my country all woman have wool down there!"
"What do want to do?" replied the hooker. "Knit or fuck?"

For the start of the school year Little Jimmy's class had a new teacher.
"Good morning class, I'm you're new teacher. My name is Miss Prussy."

The class began sniggering, so she began writing her name on the blackboard, spelling it out as she did so. "It's Prussy. P-r-u-s-s-y. Now tomorrow morning I expect all of you to remember my name. And it won't be written on the blackboard either."

Next morning the teacher asked the class: "Right, which of you remembers my name?"
Only Little Jimmy put up his hand.
"Thank you Jimmy, So tell me, how did you remember my name?"
"Easy" replied Jimmy. "I just knew that it was an everyday word but with an "r" as the second letter."
"Well done, Jimmy.
"No problem, Miss Crunt."

A police detective was grilling a suspect concerning his whereabouts at the time of a vicious assault.

"So you say you were out walking your dog at 8.45pm on the evening of the 6 January? Did you or did you not stop along the way?"

The suspect looked at him incredulously and then asked: "Have you ever walked a fucking dog?"


Scientists say owls have the sharpest hearing on the planet. They've obviously never tested a man watching porn while his wife's asleep.