Jokes

^^^

What's the difference between masturbation and basketball?
In basketball you dribble before you shoot.

A man was walking along the street when he saw an old lady approaching him. Feeling randy, he leered: "Show us your tits love."
So she lifted up her skirt.

A single girl told her psychiatrist: "I sometimes have as many as 20 consecutive orgasms during my clitoris stimulation sessions.
"That's amazing" said the shrink.
"Oh I don't know" shrugged the woman, "after 16 or so I run out of fantasies and from then on its not much fun."

Hope you're not bored of these yet

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her!

It was the first day of school and the teacher was establishing the fact that she would take no nonsense from the children this year.

While she was taking a head count, she was told by one boy: "My name is Billy Fuckhauer."

The teacher said: "There will be none of that kind of thing this year Billy. Tell me your real name."

The boy said: "No, really, my name is Billy Fuckhauer. You can go across the hall and ask my brother if you don't believe me miss."

Tentatively the teacher went across the hall and knocked on the classroom door. There was no teacher in the classroom, so she entered the room and directly asked the class: "Do you have a Fuckhauer in here?"

"Hell no!" replied a boy in the front row. "We don't even get a cookie break!"

Wife: "I'm fed up with you being so lazy. Pack your bags and leave!"
Husband: "You pack them."

I tried my hand at being a magician, but when someone revealed all my tricks, I became disillusioned.

Marriage is like taking a bath. After you've been in it for a while, it isn't so hot.

Young Rosie's grandfather usually drove her to school, but one day he wasn't feeling well, so his wife drove her instead. That evening Rosie's parents asked her what it was like being driven to school by Grandma instead of Grandpa.

"It was so different", said Rosie.
"In what way" asked her parents.
"Well, Gran and I didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dickhead, or total and utter wanker on our way to school today."