Jokes

Why do Essex girls drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it

What do a bowling ball and an Essex girl have in common?
Chances are they'll both end up in the gutter

What do you get when you offer an Essex girl a penny for her thoughts?
Change

After many hours of extremely acrobatic
and exhausting sex with an Essex girl
he had just picked up, a man goes into the kitchen
for some food to replenish his just spent energy.

He pours himself a glass of milk but before drinking it,
he realises his manhood is still pretty hot,
so he sticks it in the glass to cool it off.

Just then the Essex girl walked in and said,
"Oh, I always wondered how you refilled those."

An Essex girl and an Irish guy are in a bar when the Essex girl notices something strange about the boots the Irish guy is wearing.

She says, "Scuse me mate, I aint being fanny or nuffink, but why doz one of your boots 'ave an L on it and the uva one's got an R on it"

So the Irish guy smiles, puts down his glass of Guinness and replies, "Well oim a little bit tick you see. The one with the R on it is for me roight foot and the one with the L is for me left foot"

"Cor blimey, exclaims the Essex girl, "So THAT'S why me knickers 'ave got C&A on them.

Q. What's the difference between an Essex man & an Essex girl ?
A. The Essex girl has a higher sperm count !

Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and an ironing board ?
A. Occasionally you have trouble getting the legs apart on an ironing board.

Q. What's the difference between an Essex girl and the titanic ?
A. You know how many men went down on the titanic.

What are a woman's four favorite animals?
A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom,
and an ass to pay for it all.

Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time ?
Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them.

Next time you're having an argument with your dad and you're losing, tell him that you've been further inside your mother and made her scream louder than he ever has.

Nothing worse than, after sex, looking down and seeing that limp used condom hanging off your dick...

Particularly when you weren't wearing one when you started.

My mrs asked me this morning were i was takin her for her birthday, My black eye suggests up the arse was the wrong answer.

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotishman were driving in the middle of the desert when their car broke down. They decided to walk and they each took one piece of item from the car. The Scotishman took a sandwich explaining "If i get hungry then I can eat this sandwich." The Irishman took a bottle of water stating "If i get thirsty I can drink this water." The Englishman took the car door. The other two asked him why he had taken the car door. The Englishman replied "Well, if i get hot then I can roll down the window!"

a blind man is waiting to cross the road when his guide dog raises its legs and pisses up the mans leg.at this point the man reaches into his pocket takes out a sweet and gives it to the dog. a woman nearby notices and says"wow thats nice,your dog pisses on you and you give him a treat"the blind guy replies"i just want to know which end his head is,so i can kick him in the bollocks"