Jokes

Peter Andre has said that life with Jordan was a constant battle.

He said "She always got really irritable whenever her vibrator ran out of diesel." I like this!

Who else's heart skips for a split second when your girlfriend asks to use your computer?

how do you make a women scream even after you finished having sex?
wipe your dick on the curtains.

what do you do if your dishwasher does not work?
kick her in the arse.

Little Johnny hears a bit of a commotion in his parents room in the morning when he gets up so decides to investigate... The bedroom door is ajar, so he looks in.
There he sees his Mum bent over the dressing table and his dad behind her banging away like a two stroke... Johnny's dad sees him and just winks at him, so he goes back to his room...

Afterwards, Dad goes to check on Johnny, and finds Grandma bent over her dresser with Johnny going at it from behind her... Dad shouts "What are you doing ?!!!" to which Johnny winks and replies " not so funny when it's YOUR Mum is it ?"

I have a friend on Facebook whose status says "Suicidal – Standing on the edge of a cliff".

So I poked him...

bit of advice don't get your viagra tablets mixed up with your laxatives it makes you shit in bed!

having arrested george michael for driving under the influence of drugs,the police stripsearch the singer and found a chocolote bar in his anus. they believe it was a careless wispa.

went to a nightclub last night and i gotta say i was dressed to kill!
beard,sandals,turban,backpack.............

A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat bitch."

Dad: Son I think it's time we had a chat man to man about cybersex.

Son: Um ok, dad. What did you want to know?