Jokes

I got arrested for being drunk & disorderly last night. The officer said that he'd informed my wife."What did she say ? " I asked."Nothing" he replied."Bollocks,that's not my wife" I said.

Today is International Women's Day!

(actually it should have been held yesterday but they took so long to get ready...... )

Two old boy's, both with limps walking down the street. As they pass each other the first one nods and say's to the other
"1945, World War 2"

The second old boy replies

"2012, dog shit"

They say too much of anything is bad for you. This is true. Take me for example, I have too many chromosomes.

There's a serious lack of sexist jokes this International Laundry & Sandwich Making Day.

In America, flipping the bird means an offensive gesture using your middle finger.

In Britain, flipping the bird means it's time for anal.

Need to snap out of the 'I'll do it tomorrow attitude' - Starting from tomorrow.

My boss told me I procrastinate I said just you wait

A man goes in to a pet shop and asks for 15 cockroaches, 35 woodlice, 12 wasps and 3 mice. "What do you want all them for?" asks the shopkeeper. "Well" replies the man, "I'm moving out of my flat tomorrow and the landlord said I was to leave it exactly as I got it."

why was six afraid of seven?

because seven was a registered six offender