Jokes

^ i already posted this.... but it is funny

Two teenage boys go to confession. In the booth the first boy admits having sex with a girl but refuses to name her. The priest asks "it wasn't Mary Jones was it?" The boy says "no father, it wasn't." The priest then asks "was it Angela Brown?" The boy says "no father it wasnt." The priest then asks "it wasn't Jane Carter by any chance?" The boy says "no father it wasn't." The priest gives up and says "well, for your penance say fifty Hail Marys and leave half your pocket money in the poor box." When the boy leaves his friend asks him how it went. The boy replies, "not bad, a £5 fine and three great leads."

Why did the squirrel swim on it's back?

To keep it's nuts dry

A couple take their young son to a nudist beach. The boy notices that some of the ladies have boobs much bigger than his mothers and asks her why. She says "the bigger they are, the dumber their owner." The boy goes to play in the water but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have bigger penises than his dad. His mother says "the bigger they are, the dumber their owner." Satisfied with the answer, the boy goes for a walk. Shortly after, he returns. "Mummy" he says, "I saw Daddy talking to the dumbest girl on the beach. The longer they talked, the dumber he got."

Research shows that men speak 25,000 words a day and a women speaks 30,000 a day..


The problem is, after the husband comes home from work having consumed his 25,000 words..


The wife starts her 30,000

I've just been banned from an online fashion forum.

Apparently my threads weren't cool enough.

A woman says to her doctor "My husband has a bad habit of talking in his sleep,what should I do ?"she asks."Try letting him speak while he's awake" He replies.

What Orchestra instruments do Meerkats play?
Cymbals.    

I've had daily sex for as long as I can remember.
Sorry, dyslexia*

why is it that a woman can fit a 7 inch cock into a half inch pussy in the dark but is unable to fit a 15 foot car into a 25 foot parking space in broad daylight