Jokes

im baffled by your orange penis the doctor told me has anyone else in the family got the same condition no i said do you handle any chemicals at work i dont work i said well what do you do all day i watch the babechanels and eat wotsis

I caught my wife fingering herself,she hadn't seen me so I watched for a while.She kept pushing her finger in a little & drawing it out a little.Then she shoved another finger in the other hole.As she drew her fingers out I could see they were wet.She lifted them to her mouth,licking each in turn.She was really enjoying it,her eyes were tightly shut."You dirty bitch"I said "Stop picking your nose

fairy liquids ads have been updated to reflect modern times. Mummy why are your hands so soft?Because im only fourteen now shut the fuck up and eat your pot noodle before your dad gets home from school

I was down the gym this morning when I noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to get my finger in.

Anyway she's now made a formal complaint and I'm barred for life...

i invited my mum round for tea the other day and she noticed my flat mate was rather camp and tho she suspected i might be gay i denied that anything was going on and that we were only flat mates.a week later my flat mate said ever since your mum came round i cant find the frying pan so i emailed my mum dear mum im not saying you did take the frying pan and im not saying you didnt but its been missing ever since you came for tea she emailed back dear son im not saying you do sleep with your flat mate and im not saying you dont but if he was sleeping in his own bed he would of found the fucking frying pan love mum

mrs w caught me in bed with the neighbour.

"It's not as bad as it looks love, honest!" I said

"Oh yeah?!" she shouted. "Just how much f****** worse can it be?!"

"Erm.....your sister's hiding in the wardrobe and your mum's under the bed?....."

I went to the pub the other day and told the bar man I’d like a cocktail. He said: “Sex on the beach?’ I said, “No thanks, I just had a wank on the bus!”

man lying in bed after sex with his new thai wife.she keeps stroking his cock.do you like my cock that much?he says no she says i just miss mine

Albert Einstein said that nothing travels faster than the speed of light.He's obviously never trod on a rake.

Sorry, thanks for pointing out my error HSOB, here something to make up for my mistake. Roses are red. Violets are poo. Iv'e got Tourettes. So cünt wank fuck you !