Jokes

A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them... they are bound to be curious about sex at that age."

"Curious about sex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her f****** appendix out!"

I was working late at a client's last night when I received this text from mrs w:
'thespacebuttonisfaultyonmyphone. Whenyougethomegivemeanalternative.'

And as I eagerly rushed home, I couldn't help but wonder...

What the hell does 'ternative' mean?

There's an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman all talking about their teenage daughters.The Englishman says, "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day and I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smoked."
The Scotsman says, "that's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."
With that the Irishman says, "both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found a packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock."

Finally laid to rest in a sleek white casket, the late Steve Jobs is surrounded by mourners in a massive cathedral. As the afternoon sunlight shines down on him through intricate stained glass revealing a beautiful spectrum of colours, Mr. Jobs will be remembered in death as he was in life.

Overshadowed by windows.

What the diffenece between, a golf ball and a g spot? men will spend 20 mins looking for the golf ball


I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747.

I said Hi Jack.

He shot me.

You know you've had a good shit when you come back & your screensaver is on.

(06-10-2011 17:28 )Boomerangutangangbang Wrote:  You know you've had a good shit when you come back & your screensaver is on.

Either that or on stand-by

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

i'm glad they've found a dyslexia for cure