Jokes

Woman goes to the vet with her Schnauzer dog, she tells the vet that she thinks her dog has gone deaf. The vet examines the Schnauzer and says, " your dog isnt deaf its just that it has so much hair growing in its ears it cant hear properly" The vet then removes the hair from the Schnauzer,s ears and everything was fine. The vet says to the woman, "it might be a good idea if once a month you put some hair remover in your dogs ears to keep the hair in check." Next day the woman goes into Boots and says to the assistant "can i have some hair remover please". The assistant says, "is it for your armpits?" "no replied the woman". "Is it for your legs"? "Well no said the woman, its actually for my Schnauzer" "Oh said the assistant"!! "It should be OK but dont ride your bike for a week after you use it":)

as its the anniversary of the space shuttle blowing up this week some tasteless jokes that were going round at the time


Q why did ronald reagan get reelected?
A he didn't have a Challenger any more

Q what were the woman teachers last words?
A hey guys, what does this button do?

Q what was the commanders favourite record?
A I'm in pieces, bit and pieces

Q what does NASA stand for?
A need another seven astronauts


ok, we always laugh at things like this, but lets not forget how brave those guys were.

What's faster than the speed of light?

Andy Murrays change of nationality from British to Scottish when he loses tommorrow.






A new Mr Men character has been suggested, based on Emile Heskey.


Mr Sitter.

Two testicles were arguing about what they really were.
The first said " I think we're walnuts"
The second said" I think we're chestnuts"

The penis turned to them and said " Will you two shut the fuck up. You're both talking bollocks!"

Irishman goes to the railway station and goes up to the ticket counter:

"can I have a day return to Jeopardy please?"

The ticket clerk looks baffled. "Jeopardy? There's no such place!"

"Oh yes there is" insists Paddy, "it's in the paper...and what's more, there's 5,000 jobs there!!"

When I was a kid we had a dog that was a trained locksmith.....if my Dad kicked him he'd make a bolt for the door!!!

‎3 parrots for sale at £170, £150 and £10
Woman asks "why is that parrot so cheap", shopkeeper replies "it used to live in a brothel",
The woman finds it funny and buys it, she gets home and the parrot says "fuck me a new brothel" the woman laughs,
Her two daughters come home and the parrot says "fuck me new girls" and they laugh,
When her husband walks in the parrot says "fuck me dave, long time no see"

For anyone easily offended by the "c" word, don't click the spoiler button.

"The road to Good Intentions be paved with Hell"

A nurse walks into the bank exhausted after a 20 hr shift ! she pulls an anal themometer out of her pocket and tries to write a cheque with it. she look's at the cashier and say's " well that's great ! that's realy fucking great ! some arshole !! got ma pen

Went to an air display a couple of weeks ago and I was watching the freefall parachute display...to make it easier to see them they have those canisters of coloured smoke strapped to their legs so I'm watching them coming down and can see the red smoke, blue smoke, brown smoke, green smoke.....hang on..... brown smoke? I looked through my binoculars...and realised it wasn't brown smoke....his parachute wouldn't open!!