Jokes

If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your Uncle Jack off an elephant?

(12-06-2010 17:03 )synerd Wrote:  If your Uncle Jack helped you off an elephant, would you help your Uncle Jack off an elephant?

lol thats clever.

Q. Who has the biggest pair of tits in parliament?

A. The coalition government (PM Cameron & Deputy PM Clegg)

Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floor?
It was just a stage he was going through.

I can just flat out win any argument about who the better Nation is with an American simply by asking them what language they are arguing with me in.

What's the difference between my girlfriend's fanny and my girlfriend's fridge ?
Her fridge doesn't fart when i take my meat out.

Did you hear about the woman who fell into the upholstery machine?
She's fully recovered.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed and the chicken is smoking a cigarette......
I guess we know which one came first!!

Woman to husband"I didn't say it was your fault.I said I was going to blame you.

Got caught having a wank in the newagents this morning....now its all over the papers.

A man turns to his wife and say's"I must admit you brought religion into my life"And she replies,"Really dear,is that because of our otherwordly bond and spiritual connection?" The huband continue's,"No,I just never believed in hell until I met you"

A good looking man walked into an agents office in Hollywood and said " I want to be a movie star"
The agent asked "What is your name?"
The guy said, my name is Penis Van Lesbian.
The agent said, "sir, i hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood you are going to have to change your name.
I will not change my name! The Van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name, not ever!
"so be it "said the agent, I guess we will not do business together, the guy said and he left the agents office.
Five Years Later---The agent opens an envelope sent to his office.
Inside is a letter and a cheque for$50.000.
He reads the letter enclosed.
Dear sir, Five years ago, i came into your office wanting to be an actor in Hollywood, and you told me i needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my god given name, i refused. You told me that with a name like Penis Van Lesbian i would never make it in Hollywood! After i left your office, i thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so i signed up with another agent.I would never have made it without changing my name, so the cheque is a token of my appreciation. Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely

Dick Van Dyke.