Jokes

The other day I answered the phone and was asked by a very sexy female voice if I was Mr Setter. "Yes" I said "speaking"
"I'm sorry to disturb you but I just so wanted to hear your voice whilst masturbating"
I replied
"that is incredible how on earth did you know I was masturbating?"

3 naked men in a saunna, an american, japanese n irishman, they heared a beepin sound, the american touches his arm n says thats my pager, i have a microchip under my skin, next a phone rings n the japanese man lifts his palm to his ear, he says i have a microchip in my hand, the irishman feelin very lowtech went to the toilet and came back with toilet paper hanging from his arse. he says oh jayus would u look at that i'm getting a fax!

my wife says she really hates it when our next door neighbour sunbathes topless in the garden.personally,im sitting on the fence

in 2009 the fbi reported a 20% decrease in the number of people robbing banks.there was however a huge increase in the number of banks robbing people

Pancake Day,

The only day of the year where hitting the ceiling is considered a bad toss.

ive just come into a fortune-i work at the bank and ive just had a wank in the vault.


the batteries on my camcorder died halfway through my best mates wedding speech.im never going to hear the end of it.

a copper on the beat sees a man in tribal gear jumping up and down on a car and decides to call for backup."theres a bloody warrier dancing on top of a saloon"he shouts.the hq replies"sergeant,you cant use language like that on the radio,please use the proper police terminology"the policeman says"sorry,zulu.tango.sierra"

A woman goes to a costume party completely naked with black circles painted on the palms of her hands and tops of her feet. When she gets there someone asks her "what have you come as?" The woman puts her hands up and says "Five of Clubs."

ashley cole got a driving ban for speeding.the real reason:he,d just heard john terry was parked outside his house

wayne bridge made his girlfriend a chocolate replica of his willy.she said"sorry,but i prefer terry,s"

Paddy English man,Scotsman,Irish man were working at the top of a skysraper.Sitting down for lunch they took out their lunches and screamed
Paddy English man said."If my wife gives me bloody ham sandwiches again,Im gonna kill myself" and so did paddy Scotsman and paddy Irish man.

The next day it came to lunch and 3 bodies were found at the site.the 3 wives were called in.

Paddy English mans wife said "If he had only told me,I would have changed the sandwich!.Paddy Scotsman wife said the same,Paddy Irish mans wife said "I dont understand paddy always made his own sandwiches"