Jokes

Just when we finally get Howard to fuck off, along comes Go Compare.

(27-12-2009 22:08 )Summerz_180 Wrote:  Just when we finally get Howard to fuck off, along comes Go Compare.

fuckin' damn right mate...!!there is no justice man' this is what machine guns are for!!!


A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about the next day’s final exam. He said there would be no acceptable excuses for failing to show up to the exam, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member’s death. One male student raised his hand and asked, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” The students in the classroom burst into laughter, and after subsiding the teacher glared at the student and said ”That’s no excuse, you can use your other hand to write.”

my girlfriend who lives on a farm caught me fucking her donkey and started screaming"thats not what i meant when i said you can fuck my ass tonight.

A bear and a bunny are sitting in a forest taking a shit. The bear leans over to the bunny and asks “Do you ever have the problem of shit sticking to your fur?” The bunny says “No, I don’t think so.” So the bear grabs the bunny and wipes his ass.

Thirty million acres of rainforest are being destroyed each year and I'm attempting to recycle a jar of Marmite.

It's like turning up at an earthquake with a dustpan and brush.

A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to writewith it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, “Well that’s great, just great… some asshole’s got my pen!”

This guy is walking down the street, when a hooker approaches him and asks, “Say, wanna have a good time?” “Sure!” he says as they head off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes, all the while he’s staring at her. The hooker says, “Is this the first pussy you’ve seen since you crawled out of one?” The guy says, “Nope, just the first one I’ve seen big enough to crawl back into.”

Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street, when they come across this dog sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, “I sure wish I could do that!”

The other one looks at him and says, “Well, I think I’d pet him first.”

two woman were playing golf.one teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly towards four men playing the next hole.the ball hits one of the men he immediatly clasps his hands together at his groin,falls to the ground and rolls about in agony.the woman rushes over and apologises."please allow me to help,im a physical therapist and i know i could relieve your pain if you,d allow me" the man replies"dont worry,i,ll be fine in a few minutes".but lying in a foetal position he was clearly in some bad pain so the woman insists.she gently takes his hands away.loosens his trousers and puts her hands inside his pants .she administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked"how does that feel now?" the bloke replies"thats great,but i think my thumbs broken"

A guy is walking down the street and enters a clock and watch shop. While looking around, he notices a drop dead gorgeous female clerk behind the counter. He walks up to the counter where she is standing, unzips his pants, flops his wanger out and and places it on the counter. “What are you doing, Sir?”, she asks, “This is a clock shop!” He replies, “I know it is, and I would like two hands and a face put on this!”