Jokes

in jerusalem,an american female journalist heard about an old rabbi who had visited the wailing wall to pray twice a day,every day for years.in an effort to check out the story she goes to the holy site and there he is.she watches the bearded old man in prayer for about 45 minutes,when he turns to leave,she goes over to him for an interview."im rebecca smith from cnn sir,how long have you been coming to the wailing wall?" she asks.the rabbie replies"for about 50 years".the reporter says"fifty years,thats amazing,what do you pray for?"he says"well, i pray for peace between the jews and the arabs.ipray for all the hatred to stop and i pray for allour children to grow up in safety and friendship" then she asks,"and tell me,how do you feel sir after doing this for 50 years?"the rabbi replies"like ive been talking to a fucking wall"

Q: How can you tell if your wife is dead?

A: The sex is the same but the dishes pile up.

Two cookies are baking in an oven.

One says 'it's hot in here isn't it?'

The other says 'bloody hell! A talking cookie!'

a patient says"give me the bad news first doc"the doc replies"you,ve got aids"
"oh,no! what could be worse than that?asks the patient "well,you,ve also got alzheimers disease," the doc tells him
looking relieved the patient says"oh well,thats not so bad.at least i dont have aids"

a woman goes to the doctors for an examination the doctor says i can't tell whether you have got aids or alzheimers her husband asks what he should do the doc replies on the way home drop her 4 miles from home and if she makes it home don't fuck her!

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?

A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

A Policeman pulls a blonde in a sports car over for speeding and is trying to explain to her what and where her driver's license might be. After she eventually gives him her driver's license, he asks for registration.
Getting another blank blonde look from her, he explains, "It's that little piece of paper you get with your car and you keep it in the glove compartment."
"Ah," she says as she bends over to get it. While she is looking through the glove compartment, the officer unzips his pants and pulls his cock out.
Excited that she had found her registration, she turns around and looks up. A look of dismay crosses her face and she says, "Oh, no! Not another breathalizer test!"

A Japanese man hailed a cab and told the driver to take him to the airport. During the journey, a Nissan drove past the taxi. The Japanese man said to the driver "Nissan, very fast! Made in Japan!"
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man told the driver "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"
And then a Mitsubishi overtook the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese said to the driver "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi got to the airport. The fare was over £300.
The Japanese exclaimed, "Why so expensive?"
The driver said "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"

I am so angry about all the nudity there is on TV.

I just sit there, shaking my fist.

Watch her face light up after sex this Christmas, buy her a UV light