Jokes

I wonder if my missus is dissatisfied with my body ?

A tiny part of me thinks she is.

I looked onlin to find the value of my car.

It turns out it's value more than doubles if I put petrol in it.

When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike,

I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

Bob and Brad loved cricket. When Brad was dying , Bob asked Brad to see if there was cricket in heaven.

Brad died and two weeks later Bob woke up to Brad’s voice.

Brad said I’ve got good news. They do have cricket in heaven. Bad news is that you’re up to bat next.

My cousin died last week.

He needed a blood transfusion but we didnt know his blood type

He just kept saying “b positive b positive” but its hard to be positive with him gone

I went for my routine check up last week and everything was going great until the doctor stuck her finger up my bum.

Should I look for a new dentist?

Two robbers were robbing a liquor store when one robber grabs a bottle and asks the other robber "is this whiskey?"

The other says "yeah but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank".

Having too much sex can cause memory loss.

I read it on page 14 in a medical journal on the 14th November 2019 at 3.19pm.

Eating a clock is time consuming,
Especially going back for seconds.