Jokes

A woman in labour suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

“Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”

A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”

I've been nominated to do 25 push-ups for 25 days challenge.

I've blocked that idiot.

Do you want to hear a construction joke?

Sorry, I’m still working on it.

Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

He got fired.

You heard the rumour going around about butter?

Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.

I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.

But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

Cow farts come from the dairy air.

Sorted gran's flat this morning and put her good stuff on Ebay. Estate agent's have put it on the market.

She's going to be well pissed off when she gets back from the bingo.